29 Feb - The Gift.

Today I received two reminder messages.

I guess both messages were sent out of concern. But honestly, I find such concern offensive and intrusive. Similar to the insensitive act of enquiring the weight/age of a woman (which is for her to know & NOT for you to find out).

So what if you know or find out? What can you do with your new-found "knowledge"? It merely relieves your curiosity and then? The End.

Contemplating their intention per se makes me feel so small-minded. & I tweaked the actual intention into something so shameful? But who knows?

I really can't handle Friday. This is probably the first one that I won't go TGIF.

Not-worrying-now is logical, rational and sensible. Because it changes nothing but your mood and spoils your day (which could have been great). But not-worrying-now is also kind of impossible. How can one be devoid of feelings on something that has a stake in one's future?

I don't even dare to think of anything beyond Friday, as if my world ends that day. You know I really don't like to talk about this because it never fails to spoil my day.

But c'mon, I know I have to face it.

I'm thinking that everything would actually be "better" after Friday? In the sense that you will have a better idea of what's the next step you can take. Better than now when you are unsettled and fretting over uncertainties.

I'm constantly reminded of my Birthday. Which in my opinion, is nothing. Not even a single cell of mine is excited about it.

I've been trying to keep myself occupied so that such scary thoughts are kept at bay. I don't even dare to sleep because for the moments leading to sleep, I'll find myself thinking about it. & I'll be too afraid to sleep afterwards after all the heart-thumping and adrenaline-rush.

Breathe, breathe.

All izz well. All izz well.